South Africa: Priscilla Nkhensani Ngobeni

I am Priscilla Nkhensani Ngobeni, 31 years of age, residing at Mokgoloboto (Dan ext. 2). I am a mother of two handsome boys. In 2010, when I had my firstborn child, I was still a child myself, a teenager, when I had to raise him by myself with a little help from my mother. I was emotionally drained and heartbroken. 

Having to raise a child by yourself when you're still a child yourself is very hard, especially when the father is not there financially and physically. I ended up hating myself for bringing the innocent child into this world before I was financially stable.

This carried on for years. I ended up developing so much hatred for my baby daddy. I ended up wishing death upon his life for breaking me in a way where I can't even forgive myself for seeing my son suffer that much. While he is able to provide for him. The way he enjoyed humiliating me in front of my friends, calling me names, and telling people how poor I am and how pathetic I am, I will never forget. I might forgive him some day, but I won't forget how he emotionally abused me and my child. There was a day where he came to my school and waited for me to come out and started with the name-calling, shouting for everyone to hear that I would raise my child alone and that he would never get involved in the child's life. That I will never forget. Being called stupid, poor, fat, and ugly broke me so much. Even after all this name-calling, I tried including him in the child's life after he was born, but he was just not interested all because I didn't want to take him back into my life. He once said, "A child is supposed to be raised by both parents," but how can I let an abuser back into my life? I chose myself and went on with life. I think not receiving help after being abused caused you a lot of anger. I say this because sometimes when I think of how he once threw a chair that landed on my forehead and I bleed so much that I got stitches. I sometimes snap when I think about all this. I get angry that I didn't get him arrested for putting a scar on my right eyebrow. Despite what he did to me, I got to get closer to my boy and love him even more. He got to grow without his father, but I try by all means to close that void; he's my treasure, and I will never hate him because of his father's doings.