South Africa: Sharon Swartz

My name is Sharon Swartz. I’m 45 years old. I'm a single (divorced) mom of 3 kids and a foster daughter. So basically, I have 4 children and 3 grandsons. So I'm a mother and a grandmother... My eldest daughter is 25. My son in the middle is 2 and I have 1 sister. I was the eldest. My mom got married to my father when I was 3 years old, but at the age of 12, I heard one day that my father is not my father. I then went to my mom and asked her, "Mommy, who is my dad?" because I heard my cousins say that my dad is not my dad. So who is my dad?Then my mom started shouting at me, "Why do you come ask me that?" and she shouted, "Who do you think is your father if your dad is not your father?" I let it go because my mom was very upset. This started to bother me and made me sad and angry at the same time. I began to not listen anymore; I began to be a rebel.I came home late, I didn't do any house duties, and then my mom started to beat me. For every mistake I made, she beat me. If she talked and I did my own thing, she beat me. If something was missing and I couldn't say what happened to it, she beat me. It went on for more than 2 years. At the age of 15, I started to look for an anonymous father, a father with no name, no face, nothing, but all I knew was I had to find my own dad, my biological father. At that time, I was still in primary school. Because of my behavior, I couldn't concentrate t school, so I failed 3 times. I went to secondary school at the age of 16. I met someone in my class, and she said she is my niece. I asked her from what side, and she told me her father and my father are brothers. So now I've got a name without a face. So now I investigated myself, but every time my mother heard I was still looking for my father, she beat me up. Then I started to let go because I was in high school and I couldn't go to school with all those blue marks on my legs and arms, so I let go.At the age of 19, when I was in grade 11, I met an older guy, and we got into a relationship, and I got pregnant. I passed grade 11 and went to matric. In the month of May in my matric year, I gave birth to my eldest daughter, who is now 25 years old. I finished matricI was then at home every day; I don't work, so now I must clean, cook, and take care of my siblings and my baby because my parents are working. Suddenly, I heard one night my parents argue about me having a baby without a dad because the father said the baby is not his. Now my stepfather started shouting that he can't provide for me and my "bastard child" and also for his children because he is not even really my real dad. I got the shock of my life. When I reached the age of 23, I met a guy, but he was much older than me. We became friends without any relationship between us, and then my mom started thinking that the guy and I had a sexual relationship, and then she started to shout and say I'm a whore, I sell myself to older guys. We fought, annd she told me I must take my stuff out of her house. She threw everything out of her house, my stuff and my child's stuff. Then I was without a home, and I went to my friend and told him everything, and he opened his house for me and my child. But he also had a son who was 8 years old from his first wife who stayed there, so my daughter, who was 3 years old then, started staying there too.Then my friend and I started having a relationship, and after a few months, he asked me to marry him. I said yes because I had nowhere to go with a very small child, so we got married and everything was fine between us. He gave me a house, he provided for me and my child, he took care of us. As long as the marriage went on, I saw something was wrong. I couldn't talk to people, especially guys. I couldn't visit people even family; I couldn't wear everything I wanted to. He started buying my clothes, my underwear. I had to wear a doek on my head every day, I couldn't blow dry my hair, I couldn't wear high heels, I couldn't wear jeans or shorts, nothing, only long dresses at the age of 25,When I was 7 months pregnant with my second baby, there was a huge fight between us and he beat me so badly, said that was not pregnant with his child. He was not the father, I was shocked, I cried almost the whole night, an then I felt hatred in my heart, I started to hate everyone even my unborn baby. So, after that fight, I decided not to have sex with my husband, and I distanced myself. I did what I must do: cook, clean, and that was ll. One day I became sick and when I went to the doctor, I was told I was going to lose the baby, honestly, I did not care t ll.My boy was born, but some was missing in the marriage, but we carry on. When my boy turns 1 year old, my husband bought a car and suddenly he started drinking, he would drink every weekend and could not come home.If I try to ask where you were, then he starts shouting... Is this house a courtroom? Why must I tell you everything I do? You're not my mother; I don't have to tell you anything. One Sunday the argument was so heavy that he started beating me... In my face, on my body, that time I was thinking he was going to kill me. My children started crying, my daughter screamed and called the neighbour for help, “Daddy is killing mommy," and the neighbour called the police. The time the police arrived, he drove away... The next day, Monday, I go to the hospital and go to the police station to file a case against him for domestic violence and abuse and got a protection order against him. He stopped drinking and everything was back to normal gin. I think maybe it was because he lost his job.When my baby daughter turned 9 years old, he suddenly began to drink again. I got job and when I came back from work, he would tell me I was from other men. He said I was cheating on himOne Saturday coming from work, the house was locked and nobody t home, even the kids. That night he came house drunk an ask where I was, started shouting and swearing at me and called me names. My heart was so broken. He started beating me. screamed for help because that time I felt his anger; I saw it in his eyes, and I thought that night he was going to going to kill me... The moment I got myself loose, I fled. That time I wasn't thinking about kids; I just ran and ran for my life and it was very late in the night, without phone or anything.I ran to our Pastor and took me to the police station, and he got arrested. That’s was the time I realised that I must get out of this marriage before I get killed... Then I started the divorce process with legal aid. At the end of March 2017, I divorced my husband, and then he said he was not going to move out of the house; I must go with my kids. I said never; you sell that house and you give me half of it. We stayed together in the same house for almost 2 years after the divorce.I opened a WhatsApp group for women who go through abuse, where we chat and share experiences, help and support one another. We even pray together. I want to register myself an NGO they would take care of abuse women. My other passions is taking care of the babies. During the day I am looking after 2 babies; the mothers are still in school, so my passion is to help teenage girls who got pregnant while they are still in school... So, I wanted to start a business out of doing it, not for the money but to help them so they can finish school.