Mauritius: Building resilience after years of abuse

“I want to learn how to love myself, give myself more value, and put myself first.”My name is Esha and I am 36 years old. I am a mother of three children. I was brought to Safe Haven Halfway Home (SHHH) by the police as I was homeless. I have suffered from psychological, verbal, and physical abuse from both my family and my in-laws.My childhood was a very chaotic one, as my father was very strict. I was constantly blamed for all the wrongdoings happening in my house and being beaten. I got married at a young age and it was an arranged marriage. At that time I was 18 and my husband was 24 years old. I did not have any say on this matter; decisions about my life were taken by either my parents or my husband. I was working but I did not have the freedom to use the money I earned; my credit card was kept by my husband and I was given only the exact money needed for my daily transport to work.Being married, I lived in my in-laws’ house and felt mistreated during all my married life. I felt used, unloved and simply like a slave to them. I did not have enough food to eat and they always cooked very spicy food which prevented me from eating. While pregnant with my first child, I had to force myself to eat even though it was too spicy for me and cried at the same time. In a way, they tortured me for no reason but I tried to keep a positive mind and heart and ended up forgiving everything. The martyr lasted for 18 years, the duration of my marriage with my husband. I often stayed at my parents’ place during difficult times but my mother has been violent with me and kicked me out of the house the last time I sought refuge at her place.All these events happening in my life made me very depressed and I have attempted suicide twice by ingesting harmful substances. My second attempt happened following a fight with my husband where I accused him of infidelity. I thought that telling my husband that I would attempt suicide would make him realize how much he hurt me. Yet, he simply encouraged me to put an end to my life. I still forgave him though. Today when thinking about my life, I feel very naive and stupid that I let those people take control of my whole life, and use me as they want.Being at Safe Haven Halfway Home does me a lot of good, and helps me to concentrate on my future objectives. I want to work hard and save enough money to have my own home. Being here allows me to cultivate self-love. I want to learn how to love myself, give myself more value, and put myself first. I have to keep a positive attitude and stay strong for myself.