I grew up in a middle class Hindu Mauritian family as the eldest child and two younger brothers. I’ve always been the odd one out in my home, in many different ways, from political convictions to the way I decide to present myself.
How did your family influence who you are?
My family’s influence on me was mainly through an internalised rejection of many things that I felt they were forcing on me when I was younger, like religion, even though I’ve embraced it in my own terms in my adult life. From very early on, seeing gendered dynamics in my family made me reject the gender binary and the norms it carries.
Describe yourself, how you see yourself.
I am trans masc and non binary, meaning that I feel more comfortable being perceived and treated as masculine, while being critical of the gender binary and rejecting gender norms. It took me a very long time to feel comfortable enough in my masculinity to be able to allow it to coexist with what is socially considered as ‘feminine’. For example, I now still feel valid in my gender even if I wear makeup or nail polish, or more fem clothing. I also had to work and continue to dismantle toxic masculinity within myself, as most masculine figures in my life had a toxic relationship to their masculinity, and therefore also their feminity that they often outright rejected. I believe that as a trans masc person, it is my responsibility to dismantle the harmful ideas around gender perpetuated by the patriarchal sysem we have all been victims of. I do my best to deconstruct my relationship to my own gender in a way that is decolonial, critical and radical in order to be able to exist as a whole being, rather than a caricature of what the system defines what a ‘man’ should be.
What were the challenges you encountered by expressing yourself?
The biggest challenges in expressing myself was to feel valid in my own identity even when I might not look like what society would expect me to look as a man and also being able to feel safe in public spaces within my genderqueer identity.
How did you stand up for yourself? What support did you receive and what were the challenges faced? How did you overcome the challenges?
Standing up for myself often took form in working on myself deeply and rigorously, as I found that I am only able to feel safe and confident from within. The biggest challenges I’ve faced were actually within the queer community, from cis gays who would tell me that I don’t look trans enough or from trans people who would dismiss my transness because I am not on HRT. However, these experiences are minor next to the massive support I have received from people I consider myself to be in community with. I have consciously surrounded myself with queer people of colour who are politically aligned with me, which gives me strenght to exist and blossom everyday. My community is my main support system.
How do you currently see the Mauritian society?
Currently, I see the Mauritian society as more open than ever, although this openness unfortunately seems to come more from Westernisation rather than a a deeper decolonial self reflection and critical thinking.
How do you envision the Mauritian society?
I dream of a Mauritian society free from its colonial chains and free from class and race divides. I believe that only then we would truly all be able to be free, rather than having an illusion of freedom while some are more free than others.
How can you contribute to your vision of the Mauritian society? I believe that by just existing and continuing my work on myself and being critical, while emobodying these values in how I interact with the world and people around me will contribute to this vision of the Mauritian society.
What are the support you need for achieving the vision of society? I feel like as marginalised communities, we are naturally more aware of systemic oppressions and societal issues. This is why I also believe it is our duty to be critical not only about the world around us, but also about ourselves, in order to dismantle the chains of the system within ourselves and our own communities, because too often, we focus only on consequences of the system rather than truly understanding the root causes of our issues, which often leaves us divided and disempowered.
By Janaka (anonymous)
