Lesotho: When silence hurts, everyone deserves to be heard

Gender-Based Violence (GBV) has become synonymous with women's pain. Every campaign, every protest, every social media post seems to echo the same message: women are victims, men are the problem. But here's the uncomfortable truth; this narrative is incomplete. And because it is incomplete, it is dangerous. 

We don't talk enough about the men who are abused. The men who are raped. The men who are manipulated, gaslit, and broken down emotionally. The ones who cry silently, because society has taught them that their pain is not valid. "Monna ke nku, ha a lle", a man is a sheep, he doesn't cry. That's the lie we've fed generations of boys. 

When did justice become gendered? 

Feminism was never meant to silence men's pain. It was never meant to create a world where only one gender's suffering matters. But somewhere along the way, we stopped listening. We stopped seeing men as capable of being victims. And now, GBV activism has, in many ways, become a space where misandry hides in plain sight.

Misandry Is real 

Misandry isn't just hating men, it's dismissing their pain, mocking their trauma, and normalizing their abuse. When a woman reports abuse, we believe her. When a man does, we question him. That imbalance is not justice. That silence is not equality. 

We need a shift 

Men are dying. Not just physically, but emotionally. They are carrying wounds no one acknowledges. And they are taking their lives because they've been told their pain is weakness. 

We need to build a movement that centers all victims. One that recognizes that abuse knows no gender. One that teaches empathy, not assumption. One that doesn't see vulnerability as exclusive to women. 

Because GBV is not a women's issue. It's a human issue. It's time we open our eyes and listen, everyone deserves to be heard and protected. Only then can we truly fight Gender-Based Violence together. 

The silence around male victims 

Let's talk about the boy whose cries go unheard. The man who was raped, then laughed at. The husband emotionally abused by the woman he loves but stays because no one would believe him if he spoke up. 

In 2024, an 11 year-old boy in South Africa was raped by two older girls. And the world said nothing. No national outcry. No headlines. No candlelight vigils. Why? Because the victim was a boy. It's not that it didn't happen, it's that no one wanted it to have happened. It doesn't fit the narrative we've been fed: that men can only be perpetrators, never victims. 

This silence is complicity. And that silence stretches into homes, schools, clinics, even police stations. When men report sexual assault or emotional abuse, they're met with disbelief or humiliation. Sometimes, they're even blamed. 

The system Is failing them 

There are few shelters for men. Few mental health resources that specifically speak to their trauma. Few campaigns that hold space for them.

Imagine carrying a wound the world refuses to see. How painful is that? Fighting GBV needs us to practice inclusivity. How painful is it living as a victim of abuse and no one allows themselves to see it because of what society planted in their heads?

Toxic Masculinity: The silent killer 

"Toughen up." 
"Be a man." 
"Real men don't cry."

These aren't just sayings, they're the bricks used to build emotional prisons around boys from a young age. Toxic masculinity isn't about masculinity being wrong. It's about the pressure on men to suppress emotion, vulnerability, and even pain, because expressing those things makes them 'weak'.

This same toxic culture plays a role in silencing male victims of GBV. It tells them: 
"You must have wanted it.” 
"You can't be raped; you're a guy." 
"You're lucky a woman even touched you."

This is not just ignorance. This is VIOLENCE disguised as humour.

The fear of not being believed, of being mocked or emasculated, keeps men silent. Even worse, many carry their trauma in isolation, often turning to substance abuse, violence, or suicide; all cries for help that we as a society often ignore.

The role of the media and institutions

Where is the media when a man is sexually harassed by his boss? Where are the campaigns for the boy bullied and sexually assaulted by older girls? Where is the outrage when a husband is beaten, belittled or emotionally tortured by his wife? Most times, it's either laughed off or hidden.

We need accountability from the media, schools, workplaces, law enforcement, and support organizations. Their silence normalizes male suffering, and that's not protection, it's abandonment.

Rewriting the narrative: Making space for male victims

The time has come to challenge the lopsided narrative. If we truly want to end GBV, we must be willing to have uncomfortable conversations, ones that include all victims, regardless of gender. Because the silence around male suffering is not accidental. IT'S SYSTEMIC.

For years, society has wrapped male pain in shame. Men are told to be protectors, not the protected. Victims of GBV? That label is rarely offered to them and when it is, it's followed by ridicule or disbelief. This silence is not just harmful, it's lethal.

We must start by breaking the stigma!

- Let boys cry. Let men seek help. 
- Let survivors be seen, not just believed, but embraced with the same urgency, care, and validation women are afforded.

Support systems must evolve. It's not enough to say 'we support all victims' if the infrastructure still only understands female trauma. Helplines, shelters, counseling spaces; these must be equipped and trained to handle male victims with the same level of expertise and empathy. We must also educate early. Schools should teach that abuse has no gender. That kindness, respect, and emotional safety are human needs. Not female ones. Boys must grow up knowing their bodies, minds, and boundaries matter.

Once again there's the media one of the most powerful tools in shaping public understanding. Too often, male victimhood is portrayed as comedic, exaggerated, or erased entirely. We rarely see sincere portrayals of abused men or violated boys. We must demand better. Stories of male survivors deserve to be told, not buried.

Even within activism, we need honesty.! We cannot continue to use the phrase 'believe all victims' if we secretly mean 'believe all women! All victims must be believed. All stories must matter. All trauma must be treated with seriousness,,not suspicion. This shift will take time. It will challenge deeply rooted norms. But it is necessary. Because if we truly care about justice, we cannot choose which pain is worth hearing. We must make space for everyone.

A reckoning long overdue 

We cannot continue to fight Gender-Based Violence with one eye closed and one ear deafened to the cries of men. As long as we only center one gender, we are not fighting violence, we are choosing whose pain matters more.

BATHO BOHLE BANA LE TOKELO EA HO LLA! 
Everyone has the right to cry. 
To hurt. To be heard. 

It is not weakness. It is not shameful. It is human. 

If a woman is raped, the world rallies. If a man is raped, the world laughs. If a girl is beaten, the world is enraged. If a boy is bruised, the world says, 'man up! This cannot be the justice we accept. This cannot be the equality we preach. 

We don't need feminism that forgets men. We don't need activism that abandons half the victims. We need a new wave. A real one. One that doesn't care about gender but about the truth. 

Let this article be more than just words. Let it be a warning. A wake up call. A demand. 

To the media: Tell their stories. 
To society: Stop the laughter. 
To survivors: You are not invisible. You are not alone. 
To everyone else: Start listening. 
Because until every victim is seen, until every cry is heard, 
WE ARE NOT FREE, 
WE ARE NOT JUST. 
WE ARE NOT HUMAN. 
Batho bohle ba na le tokelo ea ho lla. 
Let's never forget it.