Lesotho: Desperation destroyed my beloved career

When I was growing up I wanted to be a teacher very badly. I did not know why, but I loved teaching with all my heart. Sometimes I would get all my friends together and teach them in my room. It was fun, but it was real and they would listen to me like I was their real teacher and I felt so much in control. I finally studied education at the college and I was so excited about the decision that I had made, I was so looking forward to being a teacher and a good parent to all of my students. While we were at the college, things were a bit tough because the teaching jobs were very scarce; so many students were spending two to three years without working after graduating. I was so frustrated because the whole point of an education was to be a teacher and teach students. There was a point where I was thinking of quitting school because I realised that I was no longer going to be a teacher.

My parents talked to me and showed me that I might be lucky and get a job more quickly than other students after I graduated, so I decided to give it try and concentrate on my studies. When I was doing third year I went do teaching practice at a school as part of my practical work. It was fun and I was really having a good time and seeing that I was finally becoming a teacher. I enjoyed those six months very much and I was looking forward to being a real teacher who was going to be paid every month. I went back to school and finally I graduated. It was that time I had to go and look for a teaching job, and it was not very easy as I had seen that time when I still in school. I thought things would be different at the time I graduated, but they were even worse, people were not working and it was a big struggle to get a job.

I was very frustrated and did not know what to do. I wanted to be a teacher and I was not ready to have "no job" at all. I went all over to schools to look for a job, but I did not get any. I was really tired and going up and down with applications. At one point I decided to go to Thaba-Tseka and try my luck; I was hoping that since it was in the mountains maybe it would be easy and I would get one. When I got to a school, the principal was a man and I gave him my application letter and CV and he just said "impressive" and he told me that there was a vacancy at his school, but it needed somebody who was determined and I was very happy and I thought I have got this job because I knew that he was talking about me. I was determined and I had always wanted to be a teacher. He came next to me and kissed me on the forehead and said I should come to the office the following day so that we could finalize things and I would have my job.

I did not like what he had done, but I was very happy. Finally I had got my job, it was a dream come true. I was so excited and I told my friends and family and they were really happy for me. Tomorrow morning came and I went to see him. When I got to the office, he did not look happy, but I thought its just one of those days. He said to me that he was ready to give me the job, but the one condition was that I slept with him first. I did not believe him, but he was very serious; he told me that there was a job but said "I will only give it to you if you sleep with me", he made it very clear. I did not know what do, I wanted the job so much and I had already told people about it. I was frustrated. He came to me and told me that it was either that I slept with him or there was no job. I was so confused; I wanted the teaching job so badly, but I did not want to get it that way. He locked the door and told me that we would finish in ten minutes and he said it was not as though it was something that I did not know. I stood there without saying anything; he took off his clothes and came to me and had sex with me. He threatened that I dare not make a lot of noise or he was going to tell people that I was the one who bribed him with sex because I wanted the job. I thought it would just make sense and people would believe him before they believed me. When he was done he told me to take all my papers and go and I should never come back. I was very hurt, I did not tell anybody and I kept the whole thing to myself. I felt embarrassed the whole time and I thought it was my fault and I had brought it on myself. I hate teaching and all men; I do not want anything to do with men. I do not want to be near them.

This story is part of the "I" Stories series produced by the Gender Links encouraging the view that speaking out can set you free.