He is now a caring and responsible father

Written by *Milly

"I (Milly) thank God for giving me an opportunity to write my story about the pain and suffering my husband and his girlfriend caused me. At first when he mentioned "marriage" I thought "wow", what a happy life.

It all started in November 2008. I was sleeping with my three kids, when my husband arrived. I was on my way to open the door when I heard a loud bang on the door. I rushed to open the door.

He was so drunk and did not utter a word until we reached the bedroom. Just as I was climbing into bed he held me down and raped me. Afterwards he asked me to go back to my mother's compound.

It was a painful experience. When I asked him why, he started punching me and told me he had found someone else. As we were arguing his phone rang and he decided to answer on a loud speaker mode, a girl was talking on the other side and said, "When are you going to chase that dog out, how long am I going to stand here?"

Surprisingly, the woman was standing right in front of our main gate. My husband started packing my stuff and threw all the bags outside. I put my five-year-old son on my back and carried the smaller one in my hands. I led my ten-year-old boy outside. We walked in the dark and it was a painful experience, carrying the kids and luggage at the same time.

I went to my aunt's place and as I knocked she asked what the matter was, I told her and she asked me to go back to my husband. She would come to talk to him in the morning. I then decided to go to my parent's house. They welcomed me. The next morning I decided to go fetch my son's uniform.

As I approached the house I heard music, I knocked and waited. The door opened and a lady, wrapped in my own towel, opened the door. She threw cold water all over me. She closed the door behind her and all I could hear were my high heeled shoes as she walked towards the kitchen. I just stood there for some time and asked God, "Why me of all the people?"

I went back to my mother's place and continued asking myself questions that I had no answer's to. All this time he did not support the kids. I decided to take him to court for maintenance. The magistrate turned out to be his close friend. He told me my husband had too much debt and could not support me, I told myself I am not going to let my kids suffer because of a man.

I said to myself, "I am alive why can't I find a job?" A Good Samaritan came my way and offered me a job in her firm as a receptionist. Thumbs up to the Women Against Rape for the Economic Empowerment Programme they offered.

In April 2009, I received a letter from his legal advisors that he has instructed them to help with a lawyer to carry out divorce proceedings against me. That very same day, I met his girlfriend in town and she started shouting at me telling me she was pregnant with my husband's child. She told me the reason why he left me is because he wanted to marry her. I reported the matter to the police but no action was taken.

We stayed separately until, in April 2010, my second child got sick. My husband's girlfriend used to come and peep through the windows of Delta Medical ward where we were admitted. Unfortunately our son passed away in May. To my surprise, not even a single person from my husband's family attended the funeral. My husband brought money to assist with funeral arrangements. I later discovered that the amount he claimed at work was four times the amount he brought home.

In July he came home and told me he wanted to reconcile and that the girl had given him muti to own him. I asked him if he was ready for counselling. He agreed. We attended sessions for counselling together and I was surprised to learn that he has long stopped drinking and he was now going to church.

I am now living a positive life with my husband and kids. He knows his role as a husband, father, and most of all he is taking good care of us and has promised not to let anything bad happen to us. This was indeed a life of hell, filled with misery but now I am the happiest woman on earth. The bad time is over but memories still come back sometimes."

*Not her real name.
This story is a personal account that is also used in The Gender Based Violence Indicators Study Botswana by Gender Links and Women's Affairs Department, Botswana.