South Africa: Discovering Who We Really Are – Not How Society Defines Us

Mamokete Radebe’s story is one of courage, transformation, and self-discovery. For years, she lived in an abusive marriage, trapped by fear and societal expectations. “I was afraid to leave the marriage because I would be threatened and physically abused by my ex-husband,” she recalls. The abuse was not only physical but emotional. Public infidelity, humiliation, and constant degradation left her feeling worthless.

Her turning point came when she encountered One in Nine, a feminist movement advocating for women’s rights and bodily autonomy. “One in Nine has changed my life in so many ways that I feel so happy to be part of it,” Mamokete says. Through its programmes, she gained knowledge and skills to protect herself and support others facing abuse. She learned about gender diversity and the LGBTQIA+ community. Topics she had never been exposed to before. These sessions opened her eyes and gave her tools to challenge discrimination and violence.

One of her most empowering experiences was marching with One in Nine during the Take Back the Night campaign for the 16 Days of Activism. “Fighting for the rights of women and the freedom to walk safely at night was inspirational,” she says. That moment symbolised her reclaiming power, not just for herself but for countless women silenced by fear.

Leaving her marriage was not easy. It required immense strength to break free from a life-threatening situation and start anew. After the separation, Mamokete explored her sexuality and realised she was attracted to women. In a society that often shames women who discover their sexuality later in life, especially mothers, this was a bold step. Today, she actively participates in challenging hate crimes and advocates for LGBTQIA+ rights, proving that self-awareness can lead to profound social change.

Her journey through feminist political education sessions was transformative. Initially, she knew little about sexuality and gender diversity. Now, she stands firm, refusing to be belittled by anyone. “The self-awareness sessions changed how I see myself and how I handle difficult situations,” she explains. Healing was central to this process. Stress and depression management sessions helped her regain emotional balance.

Mamokete credits facilitators like Boitumelo Tefo, whose confidence and openness inspired her, and Mpumi, who taught breathwork techniques to manage stress. She also honours the late Scaps, whose strength and resilience left a lasting impression. These mentors equipped her with communication skills, confidence, and strategies to navigate abusive situations.

Her transformation rippled into her personal life. “My bond with my children is stronger now,” she says. By embracing her identity and healing from trauma, Mamokete became a better mother and role model. Today, through her work with Lebo Basadi, she helps other queer individuals stand against discrimination in their communities.

Mamokete’s story exemplifies what it means to be a Driver of Change. She turned pain into power, breaking cycles of violence and challenging societal norms. Her journey reminds us that feminism is not just theory, it is lived experience, resilience, and the courage to redefine oneself.

By: Mamokete Radebe