South Africa: Act Like a Man, Act Like a Woman: Conversations That Change Lives

Quotable Quote

“Talking more about our community’s critical issues can make us better people.” – Nathi B Tshuma

Story

In Gauteng, South Africa, a simple conversation in a tavern became a catalyst for change. For Nathi B Tshuma, a plumber and father, attending a Tavern Dialogue in November 2022 was more than an event, it was an awakening. Hosted under the Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence programme supported by Gender Links, these dialogues aim to break the silence around gender-based violence (GBV) and challenge harmful norms that perpetuate inequality and abuse. For Nathi, the experience was both fun and deeply informative.

“My first encounter with the team was fun but, more importantly, informative. They made me aware that GBV is within our community and that we must appreciate one another as a society,” he recalls.

Before this dialogue, Nathi, like many in his community, viewed GBV as a distant issue. Something that happened elsewhere. The session opened his eyes to the reality that violence often begins at home and is sustained by silence and harmful stereotypes. He learned that recognising the value of every individual, regardless of sexuality or gender, is fundamental to building a just society.

“The recognition of the value of an individual regardless of sexuality and appreciation of us all as human beings is important,” he says. This realisation shifted his perspective on parenting and family roles. “As fathers and mothers, we must take the same responsibility when raising our kids,” he adds, challenging traditional norms that place unequal burdens on women.

The dialogue also addressed a common trigger for violence: substance abuse. In many communities, arguments escalate when people are intoxicated. Nathi now advocates for a simple but powerful strategy, pause and postpone. “When people or couples are drunk or high on drugs, they must avoid arguments till the next day when they are sober,” he advises. This approach can prevent conflicts from spiralling into violence.

Nathi’s story underscores the importance of creating spaces where men and women can talk openly about issues that affect their lives. These dialogues do more than share information; they foster accountability, empathy, and practical solutions. By meeting people where they are, in taverns, community halls, and informal settings, the programme dismantles barriers and sparks conversations that lead to real change.

Gender Links’ partnership with Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence reflects a commitment to innovative, community-driven interventions. These dialogues challenge entrenched norms, promote equality, and equip individuals with tools to prevent violence. They remind us that change begins with dialogue, and dialogue begins with courage.

For Nathi, the journey is ongoing, but his message is clear: “Talking more about our community’s critical issues can make us better people.” His words echo a universal truth—when we speak, listen, and act together, we create safer homes, stronger families, and more resilient communities.

By: Nathi B Tshuma