South Africa: Act Like a Man, Act Like a Woman-Shakes Hadebe

When Shakes Hadebe walked into his third tavern dialogue in Orange Farm, he already knew these sessions were different. They were not just conversations—they were lifelines. Hosted by Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence, the dialogues aim to challenge harmful norms and create spaces for men and women to talk openly about relationships, respect, and non-violence. For Shakes, these gatherings have been nothing short of transformative.

“It is always important to listen to one another in a relationship and not resort to violence when there are issues to be discussed.”

A Safe Space for Reflection

Shakes first encountered the Rise Up team in 2021. At the time, he was curious but unsure of what to expect. Three sessions later, he describes the experience as “educational and an eye-opener.” The dialogues helped him reflect on his own attitudes and behaviours, teaching him that strength is not about dominance. It is about empathy and communication.

“The dialogues changed me as an individual to know my strengths and weaknesses and appreciate other people as they are. Love and respect is the order of the day.”

This shift in perspective is critical in a society where gender-based violence (GBV) remains pervasive. For Shakes, the sessions reinforced that violence is never a solution. Instead, listening and understanding are the foundations of healthy relationships.

Bringing Change Home

Shakes believes that change starts within the family. He has made a conscious effort to bring a positive attitude into his home, fostering respect and open communication. Fortunately, his family has not faced serious issues that could lead to abuse or violence, but he knows that prevention is key.

“I believe it’s more of a positive attitude that I try to bring to my family.”

By modelling these values, Shakes is not only protecting his household but also setting an example for his community. His story shows that GBV prevention is not just about laws and policies. It is about everyday choices and conversations.

Why Dialogues Matter

The tavern dialogues are innovative because they meet people where they are literally. In informal settings like taverns, participants feel comfortable sharing their experiences and asking questions without fear of judgement. These sessions challenge toxic masculinity and promote healthier ways of relating to women and to each other.

For Shakes, the dialogues have been a platform for growth. They have helped him understand that relationships thrive on mutual respect and that violence only perpetuates harm. His journey is a reminder that education and dialogue are powerful tools for social change.

A Call to Action

Shakes encourages other men to attend these sessions and embrace the lessons they offer. He knows that many men struggle silently, burdened by societal expectations that discourage vulnerability. By creating spaces for honest conversations, initiatives like Rise Up Against GBV are breaking these barriers and building safer communities.

“It is very much educational and an eye-opener.”

His story is a testament to the impact of grassroots interventions. When men are given the tools to reflect, learn, and change, entire communities benefit. Violence is not inevitable, it is preventable, and it starts with listening.

By: Shakes Hadebe