South Africa: Tavern Dialogues: Breaking the Cycle of Violence

Quotable Quote

“I am responsible for my own actions, and I need to talk more and not resort to violence.” – Mbulelo David Ntlangiso

Story

In the bustling township of Durban, taverns are more than just places to socialise. They are spaces where conversations can spark change. For Mbulelo David Ntlangiso, a local resident, a single dialogue in such a setting became a turning point in his life.

Mbulelo attended his first Tavern Dialogue in 2022, an initiative under the Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence programme supported by Gender Links. These dialogues aim to challenge harmful norms and create safe spaces for men and women to reflect on their roles in ending gender-based violence (GBV). For Mbulelo, the experience was transformative.

“It was my first time attending the dialogue and it gave me a better understanding and awareness of violence—how we can stop it and report it to assist victims,” he recalls.

Before this encounter, Mbulelo admits he had been abusive towards his partner. Arguments often escalated into violence; a pattern deeply rooted in societal norms that normalise aggression as a sign of strength. But the dialogue introduced him to alternatives, strategies to de-escalate conflict and communicate effectively.

“I learned how to react and respond to certain situations with my partner. I chose to rather walk away than be abusive. At a later stage, we can discuss the matter,” he explains. This simple yet profound shift, choosing dialogue over violence, marked the beginning of a personal journey towards accountability and change.

The Tavern Dialogue did more than provide information; it fostered a sense of responsibility. Mbulelo now recognises that ending GBV starts with individual choices. “I am responsible for my own actions,” he says firmly. His words echo the core message of the programme: change begins within. Mbulelo believes these dialogues should happen more frequently. “If these dialogues can be conducted on a weekly basis, they will contribute positively to the community. People will become more aware of GBV and how to prevent it,” he suggests. His call reflects a broader truth—sustainable change requires consistent engagement.

The story of Mbulelo is not just about one man’s transformation; it is a testament to the power of community-driven interventions. By bringing conversations into familiar spaces like taverns, the programme dismantles barriers and reaches individuals who might otherwise remain untouched by formal campaigns. It challenges cultural norms that perpetuate violence and replaces them with narratives of respect, empathy, and equality.

Gender Links’ partnership with organisations like Rise Up Against Gender Based Violence underscores a commitment to innovative approaches in tackling GBV. These dialogues are more than events, they are lifelines for individuals and communities grappling with cycles of abuse.

As Mbulelo’s journey shows, awareness leads to action, and action leads to change. His story is a beacon of hope, reminding us that even in the most ordinary spaces, extraordinary transformations can occur.

By: Mbulelo David Ntlangiso