South Africa: Men Are Dividing Us as Women

“Men are dividing us as women.”

These words from Zephi Mdunge, a gatekeeper with Justice and Women (JAW), echo the painful reality of polygamy and gender inequality in rural communities. Her story is one of resilience, reflection, and the fight for justice in a system that often fails women.

A Painful Discovery

Zephi recalls the day her world shifted. Her husband asked her to visit his sister in hospital, giving her money for transport, refreshments, and groceries. “I was a little confused,” she says, “but I ignored the feeling.” When she returned home, her cousin told her he had seen a woman looking for her husband—with a young girl in tow.

At home, Zephi’s children confirmed the news: a woman and her toddler were in her bedroom. “It was painful,” she says, “but I pretended it wasn’t.” She greeted them, cleaned the house, cooked, and prepared bath water—then left to sleep elsewhere with her sons.

Later, her husband arrived. “He told me the woman was leaving her daughter with me because I don’t have a girl child,” Zephi recalls. “I said I don’t need someone’s child—I’m satisfied with my boys.” When her husband insisted, she snapped: “Go sleep with your visitor. You brought her here knowing it’s my day.”

The Cycle of Pain

As Zephi processed her anger, she reflected on her past. “What happened to me, I had done to another woman—my husband’s first wife,” she admits. “He used to bring me into her marital bed. Now I felt the pain she felt.”

Her experience revealed a harsh truth: “Men are dividing us as women. Polygamy is not good.” Zephi vowed to teach her sons that polygamy should end with her generation.

Fighting for Justice

When her husband died, Zephi faced another blow. “The first wife claimed everything belonged to her and her children,” she says. Left with nothing, Zephi turned to the tribal court. “They helped me with small things but told me to transfer my case.” At the magistrate’s court, she secured a quarter portion of the estate—a small victory in a long battle.

Fearing retaliation from the first wife’s older children, Zephi left the homestead and built a new home near her family. “This is the first time I share this story,” she says. “I trust this space.”

Breaking the Silence

Zephi’s story highlights the intersection of cultural practices, gender inequality, and legal vulnerability. Polygamy often pits women against each other, while men exploit these divisions. For Zephi, speaking out is an act of courage—and a call for change.

Her experience underscores the need for stronger legal protections for women, community education on gender equality, and safe spaces for dialogue. Through JAW, Zephi found that space—a platform to share her truth and inspire others.

By: Zephi Mdunge.